Sometimes I find myself getting so anxious to share my own ideas that I tend to jump in before the other person has finished their complete thought – which is really just another way of saying that I’m interrupting. The finish blog 6 – Wait for the punctuation at the end of the sentence. It ensures that I’ve accurately understood them, plus it gives me some time to process and think about my response after they’ve finished speaking. One strategy that’s helped me: paraphrase at least some of what the other person just said before responding. This can be a tough one to put into practice, since most of us are conditioned to think about what we’re going to say next as our foremost duty in a conversation. Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand they listen with the intent to reply.” 3 – Don’t think about your response while the other person is talking. Even if you do disagree in the end, you might find some common ground that allows you to respond with empathy. When you approach a conversation in an effort to truly understand through active listening, you end up asking questions like, “How does that make you feel?” instead of jumping in or becoming defensive. Let’s cultivate a spirit of curiosity in others’ lives so they can be vulnerable with us.Īnother benefit of curiosity is that it helps you suspend judgement of the other person. When Mom asked about my school day, she really wanted to know the answer, and the result was that I always opened up about whatever was going on in my life. When I was growing up (and usually chattering constantly), I always knew that she approached our conversations with genuine curiosity. I’ve learned that the only way to really become a good listener is to develop a spirit of genuine curiosity. Often, we appear to be listening to others because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do, but our minds are actually a million miles away. Photo via hello fashion 2 – Be genuinely curious. Keep reading for the findings that have resonated with me most, and I’d love to hear what’s worked for you in the comments. Since those are things that I definitely want in my own life, I’ve been researching the science-backed ways we can become better listeners – and remove some of the hurdles that get in the way most frequently. Plus we’ll learn so much more and have deeper insights if we’re able to truly process what we’re hearing. Yes, it’s unintentional, but there’s a quote that says, “The first duty of love is to listen,” and there’s not a doubt in my mind that being a good listener is one of the most powerful ways we can show others that we really care about them. Far too often when I’m in conversation, I accidentally end up replaying events from the day, thinking about my to-do list, or getting distracted by the buzz of my phone. For years, one of my New Years resolutions has been to become a better listener, yet it still ends up being one of the things that I consistently struggle with the most. doi:10.1371/ is one of those posts that I decided to write mainly because I needed to read it. fMRI study of social anxiety during social ostracism with and without emotional support. Nishiyama Y, Okamoto Y, Kunisato Y, et al. The impact of mindfulness on empathy, active listening, and perceived provisions of emotional support. Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers. Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M. A 3-stage model of patient-centered communication for addressing cancer patients' emotional distress. Michigan State University, MSU Extension.ĭean M, Street Jr RL. Balancing openness and interpretation in active listening. This can help keep you from feeling annoyed and unheard. If you're talking with another person and they are clearly uninterested in the conversation, it may be best to end that conversation respectfully. Understand when exiting the conversation is best.By seeing you demonstrate active listening, they might become a better listener too. Continuing to practice these skills may just inspire the person you're conversing with to do the same. Be patient with yourself as you go through the learning process. Like with any skill, being good at active listening takes some practice. Practice your active listening skills.If you both have passion for the topic, it becomes easier to stay fully engaged in the conversation. This works particularly well when engaging in small talk as you get to know one another. This naturally causes you to ask more questions and to seek to understand, which are two of the core foundations of active listening in communication. The more curious you are about something, the easier it becomes to want to know more.
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